father

Things Change

“Nothing ever happens the way you imagine it will… but if you don’t imagine, nothing ever happens at all.” - John Green

Things change. People change. We learn and grow and adapt to our surroundings. We’re constantly growing either together or apart from the people around us. We shift our opinions and ideals all the time. Change is inevitable and consistent. Lately I’ve been in a great season of change.

In the last 4 months, I’ve been following the ketogenic diet and have lost 54 pounds. I’ve stopped consuming junk food and soda and pretty much everything that tastes good. Self-discipline has enriched (and probably lengthened) my life in many areas, but I think a part of change is pain.

I can remember being a teenager laying in ben at night unable to sleep because my legs literally hurt from growing. If you’re growing (personally // physically // emotionally// spiritually), then there’s probably going to be some pain associated with it. If you’re not being stretched, then you’re probably not growing…

I’ve also been experiencing some relational changes. I know that off the bat, that immediately sounds like a bad thing, but I’ve found that my relationship with my sister for example, has never been stronger. Sure, there’s some people that I’ve grown distant with, but I’ve also found such a love for my community of friends and people I work with. Nothing changed with them. The change took place in me.

A while back I decided to focus on intentionality. Maybe that sounds redundant but it’s true. Perhaps the main reason people grow apart is due to a lack of intentionality. Like I don’t talk to 99% of the people I spent 12 years of school with because there was no intentionality behind it. We simply were the same age and had the same schedule.

Much of my intentionality has been focused on my own personal/spiritual growth. I have a great appreciation for people who will risk hurting your feelings by pointing of your blind spots. It’s imperative to have a community of people around you that you can trust to wound you with honesty. That’s how growth takes place. I believe that more than that, you should strive to be someone who welcomes feedback as much as possible, and learns to take that feedback, and make changes that reflect that feedback.

Another change that I’m still working through as far as intentionality goes, is with my father. I’ve been intentionally texting him first, asking how he’s doing, trying to get to more “substance”. I’ve come to realize that the health of our relationship (while not how it’s supposed to be), will likely be reliant on me. Considering that Im the one who reached out to him, I suppose it seems fitting. Even in little things like texting, which may not seem like a big deal to you if you grew up with a father, but for me- it’s nerve-racking every single time. But each time, it gets a little easier. Because I know WHY I’m doing it.

I’m learning to embrace change. To learn and grow from it. Change is real and it’s useless to resist it. Life is full of changes that you can’t possibly fight. Maintain your focus, and live with intentionality. It’s when you get complacent that a change can really shake you. The hit that will knock you down is the hit that you don’t see coming. But if you can learn to expect and embrace changes, whether good or bad, you’ll be amazed at where those changes can take you.

Father's Day

"When one has not had a good father, one must create one." - Friedrich Nietzsche 

    The clock on my laptop has just rolled over to 12:00, which means it is officially Father's Day. This is a holiday I've not had to give much thought to until now. I've been wrestling all day with what really isn't a big deal for most people- do I call my father? I mean how do you wish a happy Father's Day to someone who was supposed to be your father, but never really was?

    There's a good to fair chance I'm making a mountain out of this mole hill, but this is one of those things that no one tells you you'll have to think about after you've made the decision to find and meet your father. Do I call him? Do I text him? Do I just do nothing? These have been the questions I've been asking myself everyday this week. One of the things I have to keep reminding myself is that I'm the one who did this. I decided to open the door, and I'm worried I may not be as prepared to actually walk through it as I thought. At this point, I've already done the hard part. I made contact. That's HUGE!! I don't think I've truly given myself enough credit for that.

    It would have been so much easier to go through life angry, and rightly so. It would have been so much easier to go through life curious, with all these questions, never knowing the answers. Well now I know, and as they say, knowing is half the battle. I've chosen to go with door number three, and now I have to live with that choice. So whether it's the car, or the goat, it's mine now. 

    I think I've just solved my own problem. Thank you for reading along through my thought process. I know these blogs have recently been few and far between, but I don't want to just write for the sake of writing. If I don't feel like I have anything to say, then I won't say anything, but my hope is that these entries can help even just one person who's going through what I am. 

    With all that in mind; if you have a father, wish him a happy Father's Day, tell him you love him, and know that you are lucky to do so. As for me, I think I'm going to text my mine. I'm also going to text every father figure I've had, because unlike sons, fathers are not born, but made. And I've made some pretty great fathers over the years.